How To Self-Solemnize; A Guide to Self-Uniting Ceremonies

How to Self-Solemnize

Did you know you can legally marry yourselves without an officiant or witnesses? Imagine a wedding or elopement ceremony that is truly yours – just you and your partner in a moment of untainted connection. You both are fully present with each other, immersed in the environment and in this once-in-a-lifetime event. This unique experience happens through a process known as self-solemnization, also known as a self-uniting marriage. This article explains how to self-solemnize, what you’ll need to do so, and how to plan your own self-uniting ceremony.

What is Self-Solemnization?

Self-solemnization is the act of self-uniting, or performing your own wedding ceremony without the oversight of a third-party authority. Self-solemnization leaves behind any interference from a religious, or governmental third-party figure. Under this concept, you and your partner are have the freedom to legally perform your own marital ceremony. In other words, you are free from external influences granting you the power to design your ceremony to be deeply reflective of your relationship.

Understanding How to Self-Solemnize

While the idea of self-solemnization is liberating, it’s important to be aware of certain legal caveats regarding this process. The primary factor to consider is location, since only specific states and jurisdictions legally recognize self-solemnization as a valid form of marriage.

District of Columbia and Colorado: Both are highly sought-after, and easily the most ideal destinations for self-solemnization weddings, elopements, and ceremonies. This is largely due to the fact that there are little to no restrictions in candidacy. In these regions, couples simply need to apply for, complete, and file a marriage license with the County Clerk and Recorder’s office. The ease of planning a self-uniting ceremony in these locations creates a sense of convenience. The legal paperwork is minimal, and straightforward.

The following states also permit self-solemnization, though each has its own set of rules and regulations:

Pennsylvania: Pennsylvania law dictates that two consenting people can marry under the guise of self-solemnization, but they must have two witnesses present during the time of signing of the marriage license.

https://www.legis.state.pa.us/cfdocs/legis/LI/consCheck.cfm?txtType=HTM&ttl=23&div=0&chpt=15
Illinois: People who will be married within the compliance of various religious and/or Indigenous ceremonies are granted the opportunity to self-unite, but only under these principles will a self-uniting marriage be legally recognized.

https://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/ilcs4.asp?ActID=2086&ChapterID=59&SeqStart=900000&SeqEnd=3000000
Maine: Maine will acknowledge self-uniting ceremonies as valid and true if you are a follower of the Quaker religion, and the ceremony pertains to the guidelines set forth by that particular faith.

https://www.maine.gov/portal/residents/marriage.html
Wisconsin: In Wisconsin, the legislature upholds the right couples reserve to marry themselves in place of an officiant or someone with equivalent authority, given the couple signs a form stating that they are in full understanding that the government can not assure the couple’s self-solemnized ceremony will be recognized in all possible scenarios.

https://docs.legis.wisconsin.gov/statutes/statutes/765/16
California: California has created a separate marriage license application for “non-clergy” marriages, which are referred to as the License and Certificate of Marriage for Denominations Not Having Clergy. This type of marriage license still warrants that the couple must obtain two witness signatures to validate the marriage.

https://www.cdph.ca.gov/programs/chsi/cdph%20document%20library/chsi-californiamarriagelicenseregistrationandceremonyinfo-2017.pdf
Nevada: People who identify under the ‘Quaker’ or ‘Friends’ faith are permitted to perform self-solemnized marriages under Nevada law.

https://www.leg.state.nv.us/nrs/nrs-122.html
Kansas: Similarly to the rules of Nevada and Maine, Kansas will only recognize the marriage of two people who self-marry if they adhere to the customs and regulations pertaining to certain religious affiliations.

http://www.kslegislature.org/li_2012/b2011_12/statute/023_000_0000_chapter/023_025_0000_article/023_025_0004_section/023_025_0004_k/

Contact the office responsible for issuing marriage licenses in the state you plan to marry in for a clearer understanding about how to self-solemnize. This is usually the County Clerk’s office, but may vary state to state. They can provide detailed information on eligibility requirements, application procedures, fees, and any waiting periods.

How To Plan a Self-Uniting Ceremony

A large part in understanding how to self-solemnize and how to plan a self-uniting ceremony is recognizing the legal requirements. Before you dive into the creative aspects, verify that self-solemnization is a legitimate option in your wedding or elopement destination. As mentioned above, laws surrounding self-solemnization vary by state, and sometimes even county. Start by placing a quick call to the County Clerk’s office. They can confirm any jurisdiction-specific regulations. Ask about any supporting documents or witnesses needed to comply, or if there are any special licensees to obtain. Another important thing to note is whether or not the state/county require the inclusion of specific language during the ceremony. Although seeking clarification on all of these things can potentially be time consuming, it ensures your marriage is legally binding and saves you from surprises down the road.

Once you’ve sorted the legalities with local laws, it’s time to focus on crafting a ceremony that speaks to your relationship. Since there are no rules as to what constitutes a self-solemnization ceremony, you’re free to include anything meaningful. There’s a wide array of elements to consider, including personalized vows, a letter exchange beforehand, certain music or readings, or cultural/symbolic rituals. For those wanting to incorporate a nature-inspired act, planting a tree or sand pouring are wonderful options. Couples can also choose to invite loved ones to be apart of their ceremony, or they can host it in total privacy. Set aside some time to think about how you want the day to feel, and the kind of energy that comes to mind. This day should be a translation of your shared values and visions in one, cohesive celebration. Self-uniting ceremonies look different for everyone – and that’s the point.

Additional Tips on How to Self-Solemnize

If you’re traveling to your ceremony destination, strategically plan ahead to ensure you have everything you need. Don’t forget to apply for your marriage license within the appropriate time frame – generally no more than 90 days before your ceremony, and no less than one week in advance. Research the specific office hours and application requirements for your chosen jurisdiction. Remember to bring proper identification when applying. Additionally, if your ceremony takes place in a remote or outdoor setting, consider the practical details. These details include weather, seating arrangements, (if you’re having guests), and audio options for music or readings. Make a checklist to ensure nothing important is overlooked. This will help you account for legal paperwork, attire, rings, and sentimental items that hold significant meaning for the day.

Communication with your partner is paramount. Share your ideas with each other. Elaborate on what is important for this day to feel aligned with both of your desires. Navigating the ins and outs of your wedding or elopement is far more exciting when you’re both on the same page. Talk to the team of vendors you’ve selected to be apart of this experience. We have a wealth of expertise we want to share with you. It’s our goal to help you understand how to self-solemnize, all while helping you build the celebration you want.

What If Self-Solemnization Isn’t Legal in My Destination?

If your chosen location does not permit self-solemnization, consider alternative options that still honor the spirit of your commitment. Many couples opt for a legal ceremony at home, followed by a symbolic or commitment ceremony in their dream destination. This allows you to experience the joy and intimacy of your wedding or elopement day without having to worry about various legal constraints.

A commitment ceremony can include all the elements of a traditional wedding, minus the legal formalities. This option provides flexibility. You can choose to complete the legal aspect before, after, or not at all, depending on your preferences. There is an ever-growing list of reasons why one may want to skip the legal formalities surrounding marriage, but still want to honor and celebrate their love accordingly – and that’s okay. Check out this resource on more Wedding Ceremony Types & Traditions.

For couples choosing a symbolic ceremony, the experience can be just as meaningful, if not more so. It shifts the focus entirely to the celebration of your partnership. You can personalize every aspect, just as you would normally. Another option is to ask a trusted loved one to officiate the ceremony, even if it’s not legally binding. This could be a close friend, a parent, or a mentor who knows your relationship deeply and can speak candidly about your journey together. Their presence often adds a heartfelt layer to your already impactful and emotional day.

Ultimately, choosing to celebrate your love outside the bounds of legalities opens the door to creativity and intention. It’s about crafting an experience that reflects who you are as a couple, free from the constraints of tradition or bureaucracy.

Do I Have to Elope to Self-Unite?

People often associate self-solemnization with the freedom and discretion of an elopement. But truthfully, eloping isn’t required to self-unite. You can choose to have a self-solemnization ceremony in a traditional wedding setting or during a private elopement, the decision is entirely yours. The beauty of self-uniting marriage is that it gives you full control over how your celebration unfolds. Modern marriage carries the ability to design a ceremony that authentically represents your relationship, regardless if that looks like a secluded mountaintop vow exchange, a backyard gathering full of friends and family, or a courthouse-adjacent celebration.

The new-age process of self-solemnization reflects a wider shift toward personal freedom in how couples opt to define marriage. While society has made significant strides in marriage equality, there is still more work to be done. This is especially true when it comes to normalizing alternative paths to legal union. Self-solemnization not only allows you to have a one-of-a-kind wedding day, but it also supports the broader movement toward marriage autonomy and inclusivity. Showing couples how to self-solemnize gives them the power to fully shape their marital experiences, while opening the door for positive change to manifest. The more couples are informed about their right to self-unite, the more widely accepted these choices become.

Need Assistance with Your Self-Uniting Ceremony?

As a dedicated Destination Wedding & Elopement Photographer, I’m here to guide you through the intricacies of planning your self-uniting ceremony. The process can feel overwhelming, but with the right support and detailed planning, we can bring any vision to life. Additionally, if you found this guide on how to self-solemnize helpful, don’t hesitate to explore other free resources on the blog here. Ready to start this journey together? All you have to do to get started is fill out t his form to schedule a free consultation. Let’s explore your story, and craft a day that you’ll want to relive forever.

Hi there, I’m Ciana – A Documentary Destination Wedding & Elopement Photographer

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